


boy crush

by transbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Sick Buck, the Elf scene, yall kno what scene im talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-12 18:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16877736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: the 5 times buck realizes that he loves eddie and the 1 time he tells him





	boy crush

**Author's Note:**

> i've been non stop thinkin about beddie lately, so heres some more of everyones fav Bi Boys  
> i also have a lil au fic in the works that i think y'all will really like, so keep an eye out for that ;)

1.

After the earthquake was over and after the hotel was cleared out, Eddie seemed tense. More tense than Buck had ever seen him. Buck figured that whatever it was that was stressing Eddie out so much, it was probably something to with Christopher. When Eddie showed him a picture of Christopher earlier that day, he had fallen in love. He was almost as worried as Eddie was about Christopher.

Buck wanders over to Eddie's side after they've returned to the station and they've both changed into the street clothes. He notes that Eddie looks beyond stressed, brows furrowed as he looks down at his phone intensely. "Hey," Buck says quietly, resting his hand on Eddie's shoulder gently. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin', just... I'm just tryin' to find someone to help me get Christopher. I'd drive myself, but, uh. I'm so worried about him that I don't think I'd be able to, y'know, drive safe," Eddie replies, barely sparing a glance toward Buck. Matching frowns find places on both his and Buck's face,

Buck's quiet for a moment, a million thoughts bouncing throughout his head. "How 'bout I drive you over there? I don't have anything else going on tonight. And I'd love to meet the little guy," he suggests, stomach tensing up as he considers the possibility that Eddie might say no.

"You'd do that for me?" Eddie asks after a moment, throwing a hopeful look toward Buck that leaves him reeling.

"Um, yeah. Y'know, you're one of my closest friends, I'd be happy to help you out," Buck responds, trying to ignore the weird fluttery feeling in his stomach as he rubs the back of his neck.

"Thank you," Eddie says breathlessly, shoving his phone in his pocket to throw his arms around Buck. Buck's heart hammers so hard against his chest that he's certain that Eddie can feel it. The problem is, though, that he has no idea why he's getting so flustered.

"Hey, no problem, man. Let's get goin', yeah?" Buck says while returning the hug. Eddie nods, huffs out a small breath before pulling away. He starts toward the parking lot, leaving Buck behind to try to sort through his messy thoughts. Buck shakes his head to clear his mind after a moment, jogs after Eddie. He doesn't have the time to figure out what's going on with his head.

The drive to Christopher's school is relatively quiet beyond the quiet directions that come out of Buck's phone. Buck keeps glancing over at Eddie, watching the other man with concern and curiosity. "So what's he like?" he asks quietly after a long while.

"Hm?" Eddie hums, not really paying attention to anything beyond what's outside the window.

"Christopher. What's he like?" Buck clarifies, glancing over just to see Eddie looking at Buck now. For some reason, Buck blushes and turns away.

"He's a super sweet, smart kid. And he's independent.  _So_ independent," Eddie says, fondly laughing. "He always wants to do everything by himself. He's the best thing in my life."

Buck chuckles a little bit as he pulls into the parking lot of Christopher's school. "He sounds awesome," he murmurs happily as he parks his car. "Go get him, man."

"Thanks again," Eddie says, rushing to unbuckle himself and get out of the car.

Buck leans closer, watching curiously as Eddie rushes out and into the school. His head tilts a little as he watches Eddie run up to a cute little kid and hug him tightly. He can't help the fond grin that slowly spreads across his face. Suddenly, one thought and one thought only pops into Buck's head.  _I love him_. The thought scares him a little. Rather, it scares him a lot. Buck feels like it's way too early to feel this way about Eddie, but he can't help it. He  _loves_ him. He just hopes that maybe Eddie will be okay with that.

 

2.

Buck's more observant than he seems. He's noticed that Eddie's been really tense ever since his  _abuela_ went to the hospital. Buck figures that Eddie must be worried about where to take Christopher while he's at work now. Buck has an idea, though. If he really enjoyed getting to hang out with Christopher while he drove him and Eddie home the other day, then he's sure that the rest of the firehouse will enjoy hanging out with Christopher, too. Buck is very pleasantly surprised that, when he asks Bobby if it's alright if Christopher hangs out for the day, he responds with such an enthusiastic agreement.

The day Eddie actually brings Christopher in is one of the greatest days Buck has had in quite a long time. The little guy's laugh is so infectious that, whenever he's around, Buck never stops smiling. Just after Bobby's shown up and told Eddie that Buck asked him if it was alright if Christopher hung out for the day, Eddie drags Buck away from everyone else.

"What's up?" Buck asks curiously once they're out of ear shot from everyone else. "Did I-- did I overstep my boundaries, or something? I'm sorry, I just--"

"No, no, that's not it at all," Eddie interrupts, dragging his gaze from his laughing son to Buck. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?" Buck asks, willing his heart to stop beating so fast and loud that he's sure Eddie can hear it.

"For talking to Cap for me. I... I really appreciate it, man. But, y'know, you didn't have to do that," Eddie says, punching Buck's shoulder fondly. Buck laughs a little and Eddie follows.

"I know I didn't  _have_ to, but I wanted to," Buck replies, smiling fondly. "I just figured, if I had so much fun hanging out with Christopher that one time, then everyone else will have fun hanging with him, too. Besides, you seemed really stressed about figuring out what to do with him now that your grandma's laid up in the hospital."

Eddie looks pleasantly surprised at that. Buck panics for half a second, worries that maybe he overstepped, that he shouldn't have worried about Eddie. But then Eddie steps forward and wraps Buck into a hug that's so tight and warm and comforting that he wants to store this feeling into a jar and take it out whenever he's having a bad day. It takes him a moment, but Buck eventually wraps his arms around Eddie's waist and pulls him just a little bit closer. For a moment, he lets himself think that Eddie loves him as much as he loves Eddie. "Thank you," Eddie whispers and Buck could almost cry at how sweet and vulnerable he sounds. "Thank you so much. I--  _God_ , I can't even describe how grateful I am for you, Buck."

"Hey, Eddie, it's okay. I'm happy to help you and the little guy out," Buck whispers back, worried that if he speaks too loud, the moment will be lost. Hesitantly, Buck reaches up and gently rubs Eddie's back with one hand and, for a brief moment, his heart feels so warm and full. Buck loves this feeling, loves  _Eddie_. He pulls him just a little tighter, tries to memorize the feeling of Eddie holding him so close and so tight.

Unfortunately, Eddie pulls away from the hug, hands remaining on Buck's shoulders for just a moment longer. Buck reluctantly pulls his hands off of Eddie's waist. "Seriously, man, I can't thank you enough for doing this for me," Eddie says, smiling wide. His gaze lingers on Buck for half a second before he turns and rejoins the group.

Buck watches fondly as Eddie sits down next to Christopher. His knees shake a little, breath catching in his throat as he leans against the wall for support. He scrubs a hand down his reddening face. Buck fantasizes for a moment about what it would be like to be able to say  _I love you_ to Eddie and to have him say it back. He smiles at the thought before pushing himself off of the wall and stumbling back to the group.

 

3.

If there's one thing that anyone who knows Buck knows, it's that he's an absolute  _nightmare_ when he's sick. This time is no exception. He's especially whiney about the fact that Eddie insisted on coming over on his day off to take care of him. Buck is grateful, sure, but he wants Eddie to  _enjoy_ his day off, not dread it.

"Seriously, Eddie, you don't have to do this," Buck says when Eddie finally arrives at his place, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His hair is messy, his nose is red, and he's have trouble keeping his eyes open with how worn out he is. "You should enjoy your day off, man," he continues, breaking off to cough violently into his fist. Eddie cringes.

"I know I don't have to, but I  _want_ to," Eddie says, reaching out to pat Buck's shoulder before brushing past him to get inside his apartment. "You look terrible, by the way."

"Gee, thanks," Buck grumbles, shutting the door and trudging to the living room, falling face first onto the couch. He groans helplessly. He sticks his arm out to flip Eddie off when he hears the man chuckle at his anguish.

"Aw, Buck, I'm sorry you don't feel good," Eddie says sweetly, and Buck's face flushes, but not from his fever. Buck feels a dip in the couch and turns his head to see that Eddie's sat himself down next to Buck, a gentle hand running up and down his back. Buck hides his goofy smile by burrowing his face back into the couch. "You been feelin' any better since you texted me last night?" Eddie asks.

"No, I feel  _worse_ ," Buck whines, voice muffled slightly. He lazily rolls over onto his back, throwing an arm dramatically over his face. "I think I've hacked up both my lungs already and the day's not even half over."

"Oh, sure you have," Eddie replies, rolling his eyes and patting Buck's chest absently. If Buck puffs his chest out a little when he does, he doesn't have to know. "I'm sure you're barely alive at this point."

"Mm-hm," Buck hums, breaking off into another coughing fit. "I'm dying."

Eddie snorts, places his wrist gently on Buck's forehead. "Jeez, Buck, what'd you do to yourself? You're burning up!"

"Told ya. I'm  _dying_ ," Buck reiterates dramatically.

"Mm-hm," Eddie rolls his eyes at Buck's antics, pats his chest again before standing up. "I'm gonna go make you some soup, okay? You relax, try to get some rest. I'll be right back, 'kay?" Buck just groans incoherently. When Buck hears Eddie turn the light on in the kitchen, he lets his eyes drift shut and, before he knows it, he's fallen asleep. Sometime later, Buck's woken up by a hand tracing the side of his face with feather light touches. He sighs happily, briefly forgets how sick and miserable he is as he slowly blinks his eyes open. "Mornin' sleepyhead," Eddie murmurs, not bothering to pull his hand away from Buck's face. Buck's heart skips a beat or two at how painfully domestic this all is.

"How long was I out?" Buck asks groggily.

"Mm, not long. Maybe twenty minutes or so? I dunno. I brought soup!" Eddie replies, and the enthusiasm leaves a warm feeling in Buck's stomach. Eddie finally pulls his hand away from Buck's face, which Buck mourns for half a second. "Sit up." Buck obeys, pulling himself up into a sitting position and leaning heavily against the arm of the couch. "There we go. Lemme just..." Eddie trails off, pulling the blanket that had fallen off of Buck into his lap, patting his knee carefully. Then, he turns, grabs a bowl and hands it off gently to Buck.

"If I could smell, I'm sure it would smell delicious," Buck murmurs, and Eddie laughs in delight. With a shaky hand, Buck carefully picks up the spoon that's resting in the bowl and brings some soup up to his mouth. He almost moans at the taste, but just barely stops himself. "This is... This is really good."

"Really?" Eddie asks. If Buck didn't know any better, he might think that Eddie was blushing. "I'm glad. It's a family recipe." He rubs the back of his neck in a way that can only be described as bashful.

"Thank God for the Diazes, then," Buck mumbles happily after shoveling some more soup into his mouth. His eyes drift shut for a moment as he fantasizes about being able to thank Eddie for the soup with a kiss and a quiet _love you_. His stomach clenches painfully when he remembers that that's not going to happen. He sniffles at the thought and passes it off as just something from his stuffy nose.

A little while later, after Buck's finished the  _amazing_ soup, he's curled up on the couch, coughing and sneezing pitifully. Eddie disappeared a little bit ago without so much as a word. Sometime later, Eddie returns with some medicine in a small cup. "Here, take this. It'll help you feel better," Eddie says gently, carefully handing Buck the cup. He begrudgingly obeys, coughing violently when he pulls the plastic container away from his mouth. Eddie rolls his eyes, takes the container from Buck's hands and sets it down on the coffee table next to them. "C'mon."

"Mmm, where?" Buck asks hoarsely, breaking off to cough into his arm.

"Nevermind, I'll just..." Eddie mumbles, slipping one arm underneath Buck's knees and one arm behind his back. He easily lifts Buck up, and Buck quickly wraps his arm around Eddie's neck in panic.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing with me?" Buck asks, eyes a little wide.

"I'm takin' you to bed," Eddie says simply, carrying Buck off toward his bedroom.

"Um, excuse me?" Buck replies, face bright red.

"You need a nap," Eddie explains. He lightly kicks the door to Buck's room open. "That nap while I made your soup wasn't long enough. You need some more rest, Buck." He finally sets Buck down on his feet. Buck briefly mourns the loss of Eddie's strong arms around him. He observes silently as Eddie pulls back the covers on his bed and ushers him to lay down. Once Buck is laying on his side, Eddie gently pulls the blankets over him. "There ya go. Try and get some sleep, okay?"

"Mm-hm," Buck hums, eyes falling shut as he burrows deeper into bed.

When he's half asleep, Buck can't tell if he just imagined Eddie kissing his forehead, or if it actually happened. Either way, he drifts off to sleep with a wide, goofy grin on his face.

 

4.

Mitchell and Thomas have been on Buck's mind for weeks now. He hasn't felt this heartbroken over losing someone since his first loss, but this? This is a different kind of heartbroken. When Thomas had been telling Buck about what love is, something in Buck's mind clicked. He realized that he wanted that with Eddie. He wanted that kind of everlasting love with Eddie that Thomas had with Mitchell. His heart ached when he had looked at the photos of Mitchell and Thomas through the years because he wished that he could be taking sweet pictures like that with Eddie. It hurt so bad that he couldn't save either of them to keep their story alive.

It's a couple weeks after that day and Buck is relaxing on the couch in the station at the beginning of his shift. Suddenly, there's a dip on the couch next to him. He turns his head only to see Eddie making himself comfortable. "Hey," Buck murmurs quietly.

"Hey," Eddie replies, smiling sweetly at Buck. Something about it reminds Buck of Mitchell and Thomas. His breath audibly hitches as he's reminded of that day. "What's wrong?" Eddie shifts a little closer to Buck, gently resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing," Buck says a little too quickly, discreetly trying to blink back a few tears.

"You're a terrible liar," Eddie whispers, thumb rubbing Buck's shoulder back and forth. He turns to face Buck and gives him that worried look that always makes Buck's heart skip a few beats. "What's wrong, Buck? You look upset about something."

"It's just, um. You remember that couple, a few weeks back? Mitchell and Thomas?" Buck asks, refusing to meet Eddie's gaze. Eddie nods silently. "They really... They really got to me, I guess."

"They got to you? What do you mean?"

"It, uh. Hit kinda close to home," Buck mumbles, staring down at his lap.

"How so?" Eddie asks gently, his hand slipping down to rub Buck's bicep carefully. Buck's stomach clenches at the simple gesture.

"It's just... Ugh, I don't know how to explain it," Buck groans, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration.

"'S okay, Buck, take your time," Eddie whispers sweetly, and  _oh_ , the look on his face is making Buck want to throw all caution to the wind and kiss him right then and there. Instead, he takes a deep breath.

"Hearing Thomas talk about love, it... It made me think," Buck finally says, mouth a little dry. "Made me realize that I  _want_ that, y'know? I  _want_ that kind of love that they had. And, like, there's... There's someone. Y'know? Like, I know  _who_ I want that kind of love with. But the problem is, I..."  _The problem is, I love you_ , he wants to say, but he barely manages to cut himself off with a sigh. "I don't know if they feel the same way that I do, y'know?"

"Yeah, I know," Eddie murmurs quietly. "I have the same problem."

Buck's heart stops momentarily and his stomach clenches painfully. For a second, a brief but wonderful second, he lets himself think that maybe, just maybe, Eddie's talking about him. That Eddie feels the same way he does. That feeling of hope that floods his chest makes Buck's breath hitch almost imperceptibly. "Dunno why anyone wouldn't feel the same way about you," Buck says cautiously after a brief pause.

"You, too, Buck," Eddie says, and when he flashes that grin of his to Buck, Buck feels warmth flood his chest.

Buck's about to say something more, what exactly he's going to say, he isn't sure, but then the alarm goes off. "The work of a firefighter is never done," he grumbles as he stands up. Eddie laughs and Buck can't help the bashful smile that spreads across his face as he follows Eddie to the trucks.

 

5.

Buck can't think of a better way to end his evening than by going to the mall to see Santa with Eddie and Christopher. There's nowhere he'd rather be than with his two favorite guys. Though he can't help but feel a little tense around Eddie ever since Shannon showed up at the toy drive earlier that day. He has no reason to be as upset as he is over the fact that Eddie and Shannon have been sleeping together -- Eddie was never Buck's. He can't help it, though. He had thought, rather, he had  _hoped_ , that when Eddie said Christopher's mother had left them, that she left them  _legally_ too. He decided to ignore that hurt he felt in his chest and focus on enjoying his time with the Diazes.

After what is probably the world's most awkward conversation with Eddie about the nature of his and Shannon's relationship, Buck is beyond happy to have Christopher to break up the uncomfortableness. Buck watches with a fond look in his eyes as Eddie lifts up his son. When Christopher flashes a silly face at Buck, he can't help but return it with a little laugh. He watches Eddie walk away with love written all over his face and is about to follow when the elf who helped Christopher over to them approaches him.

"You two have an adorable son," she says, smiling wide.

"Um," Buck starts, cheeks reddening just a bit. He bites his lip and turns his head away, considering her words. On one hand, he could correct her. Tell her  _Thanks, but I'm only a friend_. On the other hand, he really likes the thoughts that her words conjure up. He lets himself drift off for a bit, fantasizing about what it would be like to be Christopher's second dad. What it would be like to be Eddie's husband. He lets himself imagine the kind of wedding him and Eddie would have -- something modest and quiet, with only their closest friends and family members. Christopher would be the ring bearer, of course. He would ask Maddie to be his best woman. As he starts thinking about who would be Eddie's best man, he realizes he still hasn't answered the elf. "Thank you," he says finally. The smile on his face is broad and genuine as he skips, honest to God  _skips_ , away from her. He catches back up to Eddie and Christopher, his smile barely faltering. He notices that Eddie's set Christopher down to let him walk by himself.

"You look happy," Eddie says, quiet enough that only Buck can hear it. "What, did she ask you out?"

Buck snorts at that. "No," he answers.  _She said something much better than that_ , he wants to say, but instead, he chuckles a little. "Just told me that he's a real sweet kid."

"Don't I know it," Eddie replies happily. "But that doesn't explain why you look so happy."

Buck coughs a little, tries to come up with some sort of response on the fly. "I'm so happy because,"  _I'm in love with you_ , he almost finishes, but he cuts himself off. "Because I get to hang out with the sweetest kid in the world." The smile that appears on Eddie's face at that makes Buck go positively weak in the knees.

"He's happy to be here with you, too, Buck. He really loves you, y'know. I think he might wanna replace me with you," Eddie jokes.

Buck's heart skips a beat.  _What if he didn't have to replace you?_ he wonders.  _What if he could have the both of us_ _?_ Instead of voicing those thoughts, Buck just laughs and rolls his eyes.

 

+1.

Buck has never felt so lucky to have Eddie as a friend. For some reason, Eddie was kind enough to let Buck stay with him and Christopher until Buck can find a more permanent place to stay. Normally, Buck would be caught in between Chimney's and Maddie's places, but he's starting to feel guilty about sleeping on their couches for so long. While Buck was complaining about the situation, Eddie offered a spot on his couch to Buck. The look on Eddie's face when he made the suggestion made Buck's heart beat embarrassingly fast.

Buck found it easy to settle in with the Diazes. He found it so comfortable to be with Eddie and Christopher that he could almost think that he had been living with them for years. He'd like that a lot, if he could live with them for years. The thought of finding a routine with them, finding his own place within the family, it leaves a fluttery sort of feeling in his stomach.

Eventually, Buck finds some semblance of a routine in his new temporary home. The nights him and Eddie can stay conscious long after Christopher's gone to bed, they sit together and watch a movie while Buck desperately resists the urge to snuggle up into Eddie's side.

Tonight is no different. Well, maybe it's a little different. Something about tonight feels a little different, but in a good way. He doesn't know what it is, but it's enough to leave a half smile on Buck's face.

"He's down for the count," Eddie whispers as he carefully makes his way over to Buck. He flops down on the couch, an arm resting on the back of it. Buck has to resist the almost overwhelming urge to rest his head on Eddie's shoulder. "Must've had an exhausting day today."

"Mm, I bet," Buck replies quietly. He could almost puke at how domestic this all is. "Movie time?"

"You bet. You already pick somethin' out?" Eddie asks.

"Nah, figured we could just watch whatever's on. Maybe we could watch some shitty Hallmark movie and make fun of it?" Buck suggests, grinning cheekily.

"Sounds great," Eddie replies through quiet laughter. Buck smiles, his cheeks reddening just a bit as he turns on the Hallmark channel.

About halfway through whatever movie is playing, Buck's stopped paying attention and started staring dreamily at Eddie. Honestly, this is Buck's favorite part of the day, when he gets to just relax with Eddie and pretend that he's relaxing with his boyfriend. Oh, how nice would that be, Eddie being Buck's boyfriend. He sighs sweetly at that thought which, unfortunately, catches Eddie's attention. Before Buck realizes it, Eddie's turned his head to face him with a confused look. "Hey, you good?" Eddie asks sweetly.

Buck's stomach flip flops and his heart stops as soon as he realizes that Eddie's noticed him staring. "I, um, yeah, I'm..." he trails off, forces himself to look away from those piercing eyes of Eddie's. He tries to stammer his way through a response, but gives up halfway through. "Uh, can I be completely honest with you?"

Eddie's eyes widen a little bit that. "Yeah, of course. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah, I just... I dunno, I guess I'm a little scared?" Buck replies, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I... Okay, here we go. Here goes nothing. I... I love you," he says finally, voice shaking a little bit. "And I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, or if this ruins our friendship, or-"

"I love you, too," Eddie interrupts, smiling crookedly. "And you don't have to be sorry about anything. If anything, I should thank you. I've been meaning to figure out how to tell you, and... You've made it a whole lot easier for me."

"How long have you known?" Buck asks quietly.

"Since after the earthquake," Eddie says.

Buck can't help but laugh at that. "You're kidding," he says. Eddie gives him a confused look. "That's when I realized, too!"

Eddie laughs, reaches out to carefully cup Buck's cheek. Buck can't help but lean into it a little bit. "What a couple of idiots we make, huh?"

Buck laughs again, hesitantly reaches up to rest his hand over Eddie's. "I  _love_ you," he whispers, grinning wide, almost as if he still can't believe it himself.

"I love you, too," Eddie murmurs sweetly. He pauses for a moment before leaning forward and capturing Buck's lips in a sweet kiss that's really more smiles on both sides than a kiss. Eddie pulls away after a moment to rest his forehead against Buck's. "Thank you."

"For what?" Buck asks, barely being able to contain the smile that's on his face.

"For existing. For being part of my life," Eddie whispers fondly. Buck chuckles a little bit, leans forward to kiss Eddie once, twice, three more times.

Yeah, Buck could certainly get used to this feeling.


End file.
